Winter depression, the question of self-deception

Well, it´s been a while. Somehow right now everything is kind of dark. I don´t see much sense in anything right now. At the same time, I repel those depressive thoughts. I could sleep and never wake up. I don´t know. What is the meaning if anything, if there is nothing?
For years now I always have this recurring problem:

My name memory is pretty shitty. But somehow , I can memorize any sh** anyone has ever said. It drives me mad.I wish I could live in negligence. And then, when I point out some inconsistencies I am blamed. Or I get to hear : I ´ve never said that.

I truly wish I clould live in that deceptive, self deceptive dreamworld. I wish, just for once, that my brain and my f****** awareness would be clouded. I don´t want anything anymore.

I know that we all carry contradicting traits in us – that is what characterizes us, or forms peoples profile, thier dilemma, their drama, the inner intensity.
But righ now, I could just move to a log cabin.

Here are some interesting thoughts on:

• maybe I should consider this: Better living through self-deception
• Stanford Encyclopedia on Philosophy: definition of self-deception
• a little summary on lies to ourselves
• Social Power and Self Deception: social evolution and social influence: selfishness, deception and self-deception (scholary paper by Mario F. Heilmann

and here is something visual and very entertaining on the the aspects as mentioned before,from the

Daily Show. Enjoy!

ok, and here is something to cheer up. A liitle cure against winter depression. If you understand the lyrics and you see the performance you´ll get it- Sampanjac – udara u glavu ko sampanjac.
As a female, I just love it, I am not offended by it in anyway.

Enjoy it.